Resume

Razors pain you; Rivers are damp;
Acids stain you; And drugs cause cramp.
Guns aren't lawful; Nooses give;
Gas smells awful; You might as well live.

-Dorothy Parker

Was it all destined thus -
That this kepypad be so caressed?
What rough, aquatic beast
Trudged on land, then lost its slouch,
Then grew its thumbs opposable,
So as to molt away its days
Hunting, pecking,
Punching, jabbing
Its freakin' Blackberry?

- David Friend