Tuesday, August 09, 2005

Bridget Jones on Dumbledore

Or rather, Hermione on Dumbledore. I thought this was amusing because I am one of those obnoxious members of the many-headed who are disparaging of all popular fiction, including the HP saga and Bridget Jones, even though I secretly enjoy reading both.

Dumbledore's death in the style of Helen Fielding

Hermione Granger's Diary
16th July 2005


Spells cast: 33 (bad, but v. extenuating circumstances)

Number of deaths: 1 (v.g. except note v. v. key character)

Portents of doom: 12,204 (& counting) (v.g. all things considered)

V. bad day. Dumbledore keeled over right in middle of Gryffindor turkeygriff buffet. Everyone being v. British, milling about discussing Hagrid's chrysanthemums, until Neville came out with what all were thinking: Old Dumbo had "kicked bucket".

Draco Malfoy wandered over, all sympathy. Rather outrageously tried to chat up yours truly over corpse of dearly departed mentor. Note to self: must not be attracted to charming, rakish but doubtless somewhat evil Slytherin types, especially DM. Been there, done that, got commemorative broomstick.

Harry looked v. v. distressed re Old D. Is v. unlucky w/ father figures (e.g. see previous diary entry Summer 2003 re Sirius Black, previous diary entry near beginning somewhere re fate of HP's actual father, etc etc). DM noted HP is magnet for sudden tragic deaths. HP v. angry, threatened to knock DM's pureblood block off, etc etc. Had to cast multitude of restraint spells on HP to prevent HP throwing DM in lake. Sometimes HP v. v. infuriating!

DM v. good about whole thing, suggested dinner at little coven by coast. Took deep breath & was v. empowered & questioned appropriateness of dinner invitation with grandfatherly wizard headmaster still lying amongst buffet, barely as cold as turkeygriff slices. DM referred to longstanding ability to cheer up grieving witches such as self especially when witch as damned bewitching as self is. Almost persuaded but took v. deep breath & declined & told DM busy this evening washing cape.

Note to self: must remember DM is Slytherin scoundrel! V. v. important not to fall for charms of servants of evil (remember New Year's resolutions!)

Also: must select appropriate length skirt for Dumbo's funeral. Wonder if DM will be there?

Courtesy: Linda Whittle , http://books.guardian.co.uk/harrypotter/story/0,10761,1527766,00.html

2 Comments:

At 1:31 PM , Anonymous Charu said...

good fun! esp the last bit - note to self and length of skirt :))

 
At 11:05 PM , Blogger aru murthy said...

excellent (appreciative nod).

 

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